Queen Bee

Before I Could Say It

Drew Hixson created this portrait of Beyoncé at eighteen, seeking to preserve the beauty of someone whose music had accompanied him through a childhood spent afraid to come out. Born in 1998, Hixson grew up listening to her while searching for language for his own queer identity. He had never heard his father say the word “gay.” That silence left him uncertain about how his own truth might be received.

Beyoncé’s music offered a place to feel before he could speak openly. It carried him through those years and into the hope he associated with Barack Obama’s presidency, when marriage equality became law nationwide in 2015. Public recognition made a different future imaginable, even while coming out remained deeply personal.

For his eighteenth birthday, all Hixson wanted was Lemonade on CD. He also purchased the accompanying film on iTunes, returning to its music and imagery for inspiration—a practice he continues today. This portrait grew from that enduring connection.

Inspired by a photograph of Beyoncé wearing a crown of flowers, Hixson drew her likeness with black sand and filled the image with colored glass sand. Both the drawing and the firing required considerable time. The slow construction became an expression of gratitude, giving lasting physical form to an influence he had first experienced through sound.

His intention was to immortalize her beauty in glass. Held within that wish is also a record of the young artist who made it: eighteen, queer, still learning how to be seen, and finding courage in a voice he could return to whenever he needed inspiration.